Watch me smile.

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I'm little, red headed mess, more hair than mass or sense. All I really want to do is make something magical and show the world and have it be proud of me.

Thursday, 23 July 2009


Somewhere in the horizon, I can see the shizzle hitting the fan. I need to start again, so that when it reaches me I have my thoughts to hide in. I will no longer tarnish my blog with doubt, I shall look up at the stars from a hospital bed and pray not to die.

Monday, 20 July 2009

Need To Be Needed.

I need to be needed, I'd love to be loved, but in the back of my mind, I know that being kind ain't enough. - The Switches.

I don't think I've ever found a lyric that sums me up this much. Its matters like these that bring me to tears, especially when walking home.

You don't understand, its not like I'm an attenton seeker, I just like to be the centre of attention. For at least one person, one person at least. I just have a tendency to get lost in larger groups.

Thursday, 16 July 2009

Leave Me Your Stardust To Remember You By.

Last days of langley;
I'm suddenly realising random people that I'm going to miss.
I love you.
Every single one of you.
I'm crying.
How dare any of you say don't forget me? How could I forget any one of you? Even if I tried, I'd fail.
Every single one of you, no matter how small, made a huge effect on me.

Monday, 13 July 2009


I forget how boring Ye Ol' London is. Its weird watching tourists. Me and Zoe were on the London Eye the other day, and people find it amazing. The Chinese people next to us muttered amazement at everything. It loses its appeal after the, uh, forty-nineth time. Being born in London, and growing up on the edges, you don't get to see the sights from any other veiw but that of your hometown. My earliest memory is going to put flowers down outside Buckingham Palace when Princess Diana died. I sat on one of the lions and watched in amazement as a European woman clutched the gates and screamed until the guards took her away. Gch. Tourists, eh? I don't get to see these things for the first time.
My dad passes the houses of paliament every day on his way to work.
I can't get the thrill of getting lost in the backstreets.
I've walked to Southbank THREE TIMES.
I've been on the London Eye WAY too many times.
The O2? What a drag.
Camden is overrated to say the least.
The only good thing about Brick Lane is the bagel shop.
Me and my friends are the only cool people in Londinion, everyone else is either scene or looks like they want to beat you up/rape you.
Wheres the appeal in the coolest city in the world?

Saturday, 4 July 2009

Do You Remember How We Started? Fairy Tale Got Twisted & Decayed.

They dragged me to a foreign land I knew well. They stared as they stoned, dragged me out to sea. They pulled me through the dark while my brain went into spasms - If I was dying would you have walked away? Thats what they did. But somehow I'm drawn. I ran and I ran until I was back by their side. They showed me things I'd never seen. They laughed at my ignorance. They got me drunk. They stoned me. I did things I never would have done. I lay on the floor in hysteria. They walked away and I ambled after them, tears running down past my heart-shaped glasses, flowers tumbling down with my salt-washed hair as I tripped through cobbled lanes after them. They shoved a bag over my head and showed me the station. I waved goodbye as the lovers walked off giggling in the distance.


My day was CRAP, thankyou very much.

Wednesday, 1 July 2009


I really don't know what to say. I don't think anyones ever really been angry with me before. I've never given them a reason, still have'nt if you don't include illness. See, the sun wants me to die. It doesn't matter that I only had half-hour intervals between suntan appliances, that I had a sunhat on, that I spent all day under a parisole, not letting one part of me see the sun. Yep, I'm burnt, blind, baked and blistered, despite my ridiculous measures. This is the reason. I knew better than to piss my best friend off, over anything. And I tried. And I succeeded. And I got ill. And I failed. Without her I almost feel like I've got no other friends. I don't know why. In the heatwave that gave me sunstroke, I feel freezing cold.