Watch me smile.

My photo
I'm little, red headed mess, more hair than mass or sense. All I really want to do is make something magical and show the world and have it be proud of me.

Monday, 23 November 2009

Fill Me With Light.

Fire destroys. Flames can lick on our doors, but we said that we'd never let them inside. Tamper with my skin and burn me through, but nothing can destroy my deepest mind but a magician. Pictures, however, can be burnt. We can set alight to our memories and watch our happy faces decay into what we're feeling now, whatever urged us to burn our happiness.
Oh fine magician, please don't burn my happiness.

Sunday, 22 November 2009

Falling, Falling, Falling.

They tell me that you can't catch a memory, not for your life. Yet here are a great deal of memories standing infront of me, personified into a handsome boy I've loved for far too long. How couldn't I catch my dearest memories when they're so close that it is all I can do to fling my arms around them, to never let go.
They tell me that the most agile and strong of us never can keep the memories they catch. not for your death. But here they are, between my clasp, so close that my lips brush against them.
They tell me that the weakest memories will fight and push you away, but I must have chosen a strong one. He held me back and listened to me whisper and cry and poke butterfly kisses on his shoulder.
Screw what those sucks told me, my memories are right here.

Wednesday, 18 November 2009

And Here Is Where I'll Stay.

Nothing is ever all it cracked up to be. The stony sky makes me cold, thats why I'm holding myself across. The icy wind is lapping at my sensitive eyes, thats why you might see them brimming over. There are so many excuses, because I am so far gone that I don't even want to hurt anymore. I want to walk in the sun, but that's never an option when it's November eighteenth already. I've wasted a while, but learnt a fair lot. I don't want to hear from this stupid boy who I've probably been wrong about this whole time; Of course he knows that he left me heartbroken, and I just kept on. I deleted his number, I erased his face from my mind. I don't even remember his eye colour, I tell my self. Today I'll move on. I'll smile at the fit boy who was flirting with me last week. That's a start.
But I always finish before the start line, because this boy has changed to "In a Relationship" too on Facebook.

Tuesday, 17 November 2009

You Belong Arm In Arm With Me Baby.

Darling, you don't understand. For everyday I've loved you with all of my heart, there are three when you've left me a raged, tearstricken mess huddling on the linoleum kitchen floor. Darling, I loved you first, but I was what, a countless member of your unattatchment club. I started full of love, all for you, a warm heart that your cold fist froze into delicate spindled glass. The way that the cracks shine when I let the light in is simply beautiful, I have done this once since I last saw you.

See me here, crying on the linoleum kitchen floor? That was you. Darling.

Saturday, 14 November 2009

Those Were The Days.

Sitting here, checking your facebook, I can't help feeling like a stalker. I click on the link attached to "In a Relationship with." Its worse that she's absolutely beautiful. Even from her picture I can see her piercing blue eyes that fill mine with tears. It's horrible, how can I get the slightest, guiltiest piece of pleasure out of the situation by calling her a slut, a bitch, a suck, a ho or a whore if she's none of them at all? Not even the tiniest bit. It just makes me all of these words plus so much more. I go press Back, click next to "Write Something..." and type "IHATEYOUIHATEYOUIHATEYOUIHATEYOU" and my mouse hovers over "Share." Maybe not today, but one day you will know.

Tuesday, 10 November 2009

The Smoke Will Soon Be Here.

I tell everyone I've moved on. Everyone. To be truly honest I thought I had, until seven days ago. Within my sickness I had a dream. A horrible dream, but so beautiful. And there you were with your fathomable eyes boring into me, while there I was, little old me, unloved by you, bewitched. I forgot what I'd do to make you love me, but nothing at all makes it happen,

Not even waiting, not even time.
Followers and commenters! I love you so, but my computers being a bitch and spazzing up when I try to comment you back, I'm not just being rude, honest.

Saturday, 7 November 2009

Every Little Piece Love.

It's the first time since my birthday that I've noticed my breath curl out of my mouth in smokey whisps. There's hustle, bustle and a dog howling to the sky because the world is ending. All he sees are bright lights and bangs. This is entertainment in an evil name, the rememberance of evil, plotting, caniving Britain. This shows who we truly are. Beautiful but insane.

This is what happens when we order pizza.

For goodness sake, save our pizza delivery guys.

BTW, I don't actually look that bad normally, pulling a face and need fringe cutting in picture.

Sunday, 1 November 2009

Second Chance Is Second Best.

Sorry about the last post, 'twas a bit full on.
Lets start again. My name is Natalie Rose Hill, the Nora came partly from my shortness causing baggy tights, but mostly after getting really drunk at a house party and telling gatecrashers that my name was Nora and I was the lodger, and the name stuck. I'm short and I'm scruffy, I don't brush my hair and have baggy tights with holes in them. My nails are permanently peeling off in different colours for every layer and I'm so unlucky sometimes thats its really quite funny. I say like, like, all the time, its really annoying. My voice is really posh and it mostly mumbles a load of sentimental stuff that eventually twists into a smile and blushes my cheeks. I love to write, thats why I have a blog. I'd like to do a few outfit posts every now and then because I love fashion, but my camera leads dead, my sisters taken the two good laptops with card-readers in to uni and my computer and laptop don't have a card-reader, but for christmas I've asked for a good camera with a lead. I need to get fit, if I run for a bus I'll get on, breathe heavily and then trip over in front of five really fit boys who will laugh at me. Happens at least once a month.

Looking Upwards, Falling Down.

So many things have changed in less than a year. Nobody really knew that I was so unhappy that I'd come home and scream and rip my hands to pieces with my own nails and teeth. I felt like the world wasn't on my side and because I have a past I had an excuse to act stupid and compulsively. I was SO wrong. I've been such a bitch, and I'm sorry to anyone who knows me for being like that. Looking back at all my old posts, I can see that I've changed so much. I've stopped caring whether or not the worlds against me, whether I wasn't meant to be happy, because it's probably true, and theres not all that much you can do for karma, you know. I'm tempted to start again, new blog, new me, but I'm not sure. I might delete my old posts up until August because if I don't want to remember, why should I inflict that on anyone else? If anyone feels bad as I did, as impossible as it seems, its so easy to stop. Smile, hope and open up and things will go right, if not now then eventually. Sorry for the ramble, I just want to prove that I've changed. Posts will be better from now on,